When the Body Says No-The cost of hidden stress

Being in the helping field, my compassion for others can wear me down so from time to time I head off for day long workshops. This past Monday, I had the absolute delight of listening to Dr. Gabor Mate. He has written the books 'Scattered Minds" about ADD, "Hold On to Your Kids" and "When the Body Says No". He is the expert on the mind and body connection and the effects of stress on our bodies. http://www.whenthebodysaysno.ca/
Here are his characteristics of the stress-prone personality

• Difficulty saying no
• Automatic and impulsive regard for the needs of others without considering one's own
• Rigid and compulsive identification with duty, role, and responsibility rather than with true self
• Habitual repression or suppression of healthy anger and assertion
• Belief that you must never disappoint anyone.

I sure could see myself with some of those qualities! How about you?

The Joy of Quieting the Mind

Whenever I mention meditation to my clients, they look like they want to run out the door screaming. Meditation is not a big deal. It's something you can practice when you are doing other things, like waiting in line, sitting at a stoplight etc.
Take a long deep breath in through your nose right down to your belly. Exhale slowly by pulling your belly button towards your spine. Repeat this about 3 times and at the same time, pay attention to your breath. Notice how it feels going through your body and if a thought should come into your mind, just notice it without judgment and let it go.
Eureka! Calmer, more relaxed and more focused.
Kimberly Ryan has an awesome guided meditation CD. Visit her site and give it a listen
http://www.amomentformyself.com/purchase-cd.html

No More Rehashing the Old Stuff

"Stress is the trash of modern life-we all generate it but if you don't dispose of it properly. it will pile up and overtake your life"- Danzae Pace

According to a recent article in Moods magazine, our brain does not distinguish between an actual event and the emotions connected to the event. Every time we rehash and retell the story, our bodies are subjected to the same stress it experienced during the past event.
Think about it. Remember the last argument you had and when you told someone else the story, you got all upset again.
We don't need more studies on the link between stress and illness. We have been studying it since the late 1800's. It is now time for the thinkers in our society to start doing something different. In fact, it's time for employers to implement services that address stress as it happens.

Words to Live By

If we are willing to look at another person’s behaviour towards us as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than as a statement about our value as a person, we will over a period of time cease to react to all.

No More 'Whys"

I get these newsletters daily from Neale Walsch. I wanted to share this one.
So often clients try so hard to figure out why someone did something to them, or why they think a certain way, or why they did something stupid. Sometimes, we don't know the answer so in the meantime, while we are trying to figure it out, think about this...
...that "Why is this happening?" is the most useless
question in the Universe.

The only really profitable question is, "What?" As in,
"What do I choose now?" This question empowers.
The "why" question simply perplexes, and rarely
satisfies even when it gets a good answer.

So don't try to "figure it out." Stop it. Just focus on
what you now wish to create. Keep moving forward.
There's nothing behind you that can possibly serve
you better than your highest thoughts about tomorrow.

Get Rid of the 'Neg Nogs'

‘ Neg Nogs’ – Definition: Negative Noggins –
otherwise known as negative thinkers – often
unwittingly imposing their negative energy on
others.
I am often amazed that people put more energy
into negative thoughts and less into positive
thoughts. Strangely, we believe negative thinking is
more realistic than positive thinking. I see my
clients believing that positive thinking is something
“out there” – almost imaginary or not attainable.
Negative thoughts are the opposite of positive
thoughts. That’s all; nothing more spectacular than
that. We simply exercise our choice by choosing the
negative over the positive. We are often very clear
about what is wrong or negative in our lives, and yet
we struggle to create a more positive outlook.
We all know one or two people who complain about
everything! It is important to surround ourselves
with positive people, places, and events.
“Character is built out of circumstances. From
exactly the same materials, one person builds
palaces while another builds hovels.”- G.H. Lewis
Negative people build hovels. Positive people build
palaces.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

The book’s premise is that we all could benefit from learning to relax, breath, and contemplate how we really want to live life. I went looking for coping skills on how to better manage the external aspects of my busy life, but discovered that the secrets were in how I was internally thinking and/or reacting to life. Whole new worlds of thinking were opened up to me that gave me an inkling of what my life could be like if I could adjust my approach. Those big challenges that were constantly getting in my way were only as ‘big’ as I let them be. What if I could internally view them as ‘small stuff’?

As I read I recognized myself and my thinking patterns almost instantly, and then I started turning down the corners of various pages. For example, chapter 2 (only 1.5 pages into the book) is titled, ‘Make Peace with Imperfection’. What? You mean I don’t have to be perfect in everything that I do in order to be OK? I don’t remember Mom telling me that! Chapter 3; ‘Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can’t Be Superachievers’. And, he even has true life examples of calm people achieving great things! Wow, wouldn’t that be cool to be a successful person whose heart is not always racing? Chapter 4; ‘Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking’. You know how that goes. Have one scary or stressful thought, and then let that roll into the next scary thought, and then you are moving into a crisis, and then that crisis is going to bankrupt you, and then you will have no family or friends left, and then what will you do? All this and you are still laying in bed trying to get back to sleep. Hmmm! Maybe this is just in your head. Maybe you’re not going to have a crisis and be alone for the rest of your life. Maybe if you had consciously stopped your imagination after that first scary thought and decided not to go bankrupt tonight while trying to sleep, you could actually go back to sleep and continue living your life again tomorrow morning.

I chuckle when I look back now at my copy of the book. Four of the first five chapters have the corners turned down, and then I must have realized that I was going to ruin the whole book if I continued in this pattern. So I just settled in, two minutes at a time, hidden up in the master bathroom, a couple of times a day, getting life lessons from a great little, insightful and thought provoking book. Little did I know that that was only the beginning of my journey towards a more calm, confident, and joyful approach to life. I’ll let you know when I get there completely, but in the meantime I am loving the journey.

Visit Kim @

http://www.linkedin.com/in/kimsunderland